Dear NFL

To Whom It May Concern:

As a New York Giants football fan, last Sunday night was rough for me. One of the most difficult parts of that frustrating and tough loss to the rival Dallas Cowboys, was two terrible calls by the officials. On Thursday, the NFL told the team that they did make mistakes in important calls in the game. This only adds to the frustration of a very imperfect game.

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Dear SB Nation

To Whom It May Concern:sb nation logo

I have an idea: since the sports world lacks female voices even though there are a lot of lady fans, why don’ you employ a woman (me) to have a SB Nation connected blog about NFL Survivor pools? C’mon, it’ll be fun!

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Dear NFL

Dear NFL,

Like many other NFL fans, I was surprised to find out that running back Darren Sproles found out about the Saints plan to release him via Twitter (and he seems like such a nice guy, too). It’s disappointing that a professional league doesn’t require its teams to have more personal and respectful ways of communicating with their players.

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Dear Bill Simmons,

To Whom It May Concern at Grantland:

Seeing as you came up with the brilliant Challenge Fantasy League, I was wondering if you could help me create an Alternative Statistically Satisfactory (ASS) Fantasy Football League.

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Dear Beloved NFL

Dear Beloved NFL:

I am writing to express my interest in working as a Motivational Speaker to Encourage Law Abiding Habits for NFL Players.

This position is not listed on your website as a current opening. However, I truly believe such position would be of great assistance in a league struggling with off-the-field role model behavioral issues which extend from minor offenses to felony charges.

Topics I would like to speak about include, but are not limited to: Legal Gun Ownership, Designated Drivers: All Advantage – No Disadvantage, Where to Take out Anger Mid-week, Putting Drug Debauchery in the Past, You Can Afford  a Bodyguard If You’re Really That Worried, and The Ease of PR When You’re Not in Trouble.

As a bonus, I will also be ready, willing and able to teach both players and coaches the mathematics of percentages. They should be able to understand how much effort is actually possible.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you in a timely fashion, due to the urgency of this subject.

Sincerely,
Rachel L. Arbeit

Dear Wachovia

November 23rd, 2009

Dear Wachovia,

I will have no more of this “play of the game” decided with two minutes left when the game is still in the process of being blown. Two minutes in an NFL game is about twenty real-time minutes, which is a long time. Plus, the play of the game was not the Boss touchdown that was played on the jumbotron, it was the coin toss that gave the Giants the ball first in OT.

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