Dear America

Dear America,

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Nation Eliminates Another Stupid Excuse For Accidental Pregnancies by Waiving Birth Control Copay!!!

In a step towards a more responsible excuse-free America, Obama announced that, starting next year if the Republicans don’t cock-block it, nation’s health care insurers will eliminate birth control copay.

Birth Control: Now on Sale for Free!

Religious groups are outraged that separation of church and state should allow them to only have their opinion considered in the privacy of their own homes and churches/synagogues/mosques.

"Wait, s***, we only get a day?" - Women

But with 95-98% of women (depending on what reports you read) stressing birth control as an important part of their personal healthcare, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services move is so good, it’s panty-dropping!

I went to the streets to see what the public has to say:

“So you’re sayin’ bitches can only be bitches now, not dumb bitches?” – LaMarcus, Harlem

“Family planning is pretty much preventative abortion, which means the conservative religious folks can’t get upset, right?” – Bristol, Wassila

“We need to stop treating pregnancy like it’s a disease,” – Mary, standing outside of St. Patrick’s

“If unwanted, I feel that pregnancy is a disease. Just like flirting, if unwanted, is sexual harassment,” – Miriam, standing down the street from St. Patrick’s

“I think it’s unnecessary. With our country’s growing obesity problem, we’ve implemented a natural free birth control already,” – Grace, Sunnyside

“This is a monumental move as poor people need this the most. They’re the ones who go on welfare and s*** which drains other governmental resources when they literally f*** up,” – Hope, SoHo

“Better access to birth control is great… although, if we had universal healthcare like we were promised, then we’d all already have this, right?” – Jade(d), Brooklyn

The people have spoken.


Rachel L. Arbeit


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