Dear VMAs

Dear MTV VMAs,

I hope you wrote a nice thank you letter to Jay-Z & Beyonce for using your show as a platform to reveal they’re having a child.


Dear Tabloid-Reading World

Dear Tabloid-Reading World,

Please read this:

Rumors and their subsequent denials have been circulating that B-level star Jada Pinkett-Smith had (or is having) an affair with creepy-looking wannabe singer and actor Mark Anthony. While no one attracted to men can possibly understand why someone with access to Will Smith (a small step below Reggie Bush) would hook up with Mark Anthony (a small step above Lyle Lovett), a theory has arised that the story is nothing more than an attempt to draw attention to the accused cheater’s failing TV show, HawthoRNe.

Hot or Not, That's Jada's Choice from Left to Right


Dear U.S. re: Iowa Straw Poll

Dear U.S. re: Iowa Straw Poll,

Even though Huntsman draws the shortest straw, it’s Pawlenty who pulls out.

The Biggest Thing to Happen in Ames Since the 2007 Straw Poll


Dear America

Dear America,

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Nation Eliminates Another Stupid Excuse For Accidental Pregnancies by Waiving Birth Control Copay!!!

In a step towards a more responsible excuse-free America, Obama announced that, starting next year if the Republicans don’t cock-block it, nation’s health care insurers will eliminate birth control copay.

Birth Control: Now on Sale for Free!