Dear Britney

Dear Britney,

Oh Yeah! You’re going through the motions again.

The Stunning, Captivating Pop Princess... Britney Spears!Enrique Inglesias signed on and then almost immediately dropped from the Femme Fatale tour this summer when he decided he's too big a star to be a lowly opening act.

To promote your upcoming tour with maybe Nicki Manaj, but tentatively no one, you worked with MTV (who may or may not own you) for a not-so-special special… an appropriate follow up to some not-so-special Good Morning America performances where viewers could almost see you counting the dance steps.

Looking Hot (note the lack of body in the shot)

Although your body has been better (stupid kids), you look weigh better than Christina Aguilera right now, so at least there’s that.

In an interview with Sway (MTV’s token trendy dredlocked black guy, complete with super cool name), you were asked hard-hitting non-questions like, “Performing on stage has to be different from being in the studio.”

Well, yeah! You actually sing in the studio. On stage is just a lip sync dance recital with a variety fun pack of wardrobe changes provided by Frederick’s of Hollywood’s S&M line.

MTV also takes viewers behind the scenes of the filming of your video for “Til the World Ends”, which is a less sexy version of “I’m a Slave 4 U”. Removed from the situation, you didn’t seem to be the compelling, passionate, interesting pop princess we’ve all seen before.

The song, however, is a solid pop/dance track which on par with Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way.” It’s is a huge improvement from “Hold It Against Me”, a song based on the cheesy pick up line, “If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?”

On GMA - An Appropriate Venue For Legs Wide Open "Dance" Moves

When you say things like, “I’m really excited right now” and “I think it gets better as you get older, definitely,” it’s not at all believable. It seems as though you’re simply going through the motions. I’m even willing to go ahead and start a rumor that you’re on a ton of prescription pills that have made you another complacent with whatever robot, like the bored housewife that you’re not that at all.

Sway makes a point to address that you will turn 30 at the end of the year, which is 85 in teen pop years. He asks if you’ll still be doing this when you’re 50, and you’re too exhausted/out of it to come up with the correct answer of “yes” to match the previously pre-programmed statements of “this is what I love to do” and other such lines that would make one think you enjoy your life.

The entire interview is sad, really. When you look into the camera, your facial expression reads as a plea for help to escape a life you’re no longer interested in. It’s similar to how Katie Holmes looks.

It appears as if you’re not lucky that you’re a star, but are addicted to it (under contract) despite knowing it’s toxic.

You have the money and are already a legacy, so just cancel the tour and hang out, if you want. It seems like you could use chill time.


Rachel L. Arbeit

Published in: on April 8, 2011 at 4:24 pm  Leave a Comment  
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