Dear People Magazine

Dear People Magazine,

Ryan Reynolds as the Sexiest Man Alive? That’s retarded.

I expect retardation from your stupid, shallow, lame celebrity gossip magazine, but if you’re gunna be shallow, shouldn’t you be good at it?

I’d think that while you were sleeping with him in exchange for this PR boost to his reputation, you’d notice that he’s not at all the sexiest man in whatever city you were in during said encounter.

The entire list is corrupt and lame. Drake? If you need a black guy, see sports for hundreds of better looking candidates.

Additionally, Bon Jovi and Robert Downey, Jr. hit their peaks 15+ years and 50+ gallons of booze before now.

Furthermore, Jon Hamm is all forehead, Kellan Lutz is a butthisface, Matthew Morrison is a Ken doll (and nobody is turned on by built-in undies), Joe Manganiello looks like an ex-con, Jesse Williams looks like a chihuahua, Vin Diesel is a better looking Mr. Clean and Jake Gyllenhaal is a wimp.

Justin Timberlake is the only respectable decision on this list. In general, it’s terrible and you should be ashamed of your abundant presence in grocery stores and pharmacies everywhere, forcing people like me to take notice of your publicity stunt BS. Luckily, magazines don’t stand a chance and no one will subscribe to People on Kindle because they’ll all realize they have better options… hopefully.



Rachel L. Arbeit

Published in: on December 1, 2010 at 8:22 pm  Leave a Comment  
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