Dear Job Placement Services

Dear Job Placement Services,

I don’t know what’s worse: that I tried to go through you or that New York City firms use your services.

In today’s tough economic times, you’d think that worthless businesses would get washed out. But some survive via mystery, or perhaps sexual favors.

Upon arriving at this modest office, I filled out two worksheets. One was a spelling exercise, similar to the ones that were passed to me in 4th grade, where the commonly misspelled words were presented in three different ways, asking for the correct spelling to be identified. Um… have you heard of spell check? Get with the times. This is not a necessary skill anymore. I mean, I can and did circle the correct spelling of words like “bankruptcy” and “ridiculous” (sweet choice of words, right?), but for real? Is this the same screening for the elementary students who appear in Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

The other worksheet was a diagram of a set of alphabetically sorted filing cabinets, with a list of fake company names below. Next to the names were places for to write the number of the corresponding filing cabinet they go into. I should’ve gone the extra mile and written out the alphabet for them.
And, of course, there was a Microsoft Word test. Even though I graduated college in the past ten years, so I obviously know how to use Word, I didn’t ace the test because it was the outdated 2002 version of word… so way to check my old tech skills. This is clearly a sophisticated operation.
Perhaps you should consider getting out of business now, before Craigslist, Monster and other job sites officially knock you out of existence, and/or polish your screening to actually mean something by updating your 1992 computer and elementary school worksheets to a more meaningful way to scrutinize candidates.
Rachel L. Arbeit

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