Dear Crusading Vegetarians

Dear Crusading Vegetarians,

If these animals didn’t wanna be eaten, they wouldn’t taste so good.

Everyone has the freedom to have whatever crazy diet they feel is best for them, but nobody likes being preached to (about diet, politics, or religion). If you wanna go preachy, get a club/group/meeting space full of people who have the same values as you and vent to each other about how carnivores just don’t understand the sense of entitlement that comes with forgoing an entire food group or two.

Unfortunately, many vegans and vegetarians crusade their beliefs in public, announcing their philosophy to the world. Being a vegan is more than a diet, it’s a philosophy, lifestyle and petition.

There is a crazy vegan lady who roams the streets of the East Village, passing out fliers for her cause. Wasting paper and killing trees = okay, eating animal products = the doom that will bring the world down.

She is the exemplary crusading vegan, shouting out how unnatural it is for humans to drink milk, a product that, according to her, “our bodies can’t properly digest.” Really, lady? Cause I go through at least a gallon a week without a problem. Perhaps she’s confusing lactose intolerance with some magical sign that drinking milk is bad.

According to vegan lady, “Veganism is recognizing the rights of all living creatures, and extending to them the compassion, kindness, and justice exemplified in the Golden Rule.” Holy Moral High-Horse, Batman. Although riding a horse may be cruel, because where does it end when you go this far?

When I see/hear this woman crusading about like it’s her job, but she obviously doesn’t have a job, I cross the street. I’ve gone my whole life without punching anyone in the face. Although I’d love to start with her, she’s a vegan. Her weak body would crumple and she would likely die. I may be a meat murderer, but I’d prefer not to be a human murderer, no matter how much peace it would bring the community.

A final thought. As Reel Big Fish so poetically put it:

“I just can’t help feelin’ sorry for this poor little lettuce head
you know, I can’t stop cryin’ cause I know this broccoli’s dead…

poor little cow, little sheep, little fish, how can I sleep?

carrots are bleedin’, plants are screamin’ and tomatoes cry
you say “it’s not so bad, they’re only vegetables”, that’s what you said
maybe I’m a murderer, but I’m hungry and they’re better off dead.”

Crusading vegans and vegetarians, please step back from your carnivorous neighbors. We have meat on our bones and are only a little afraid to use it.

Sincerely,

Rachel L. R-Bite

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