Dearest Def Jam

Dearest Def Jam Records,

How dare you let the Roots become Jimmy Fallon’s band? I was at the taping of the Jimmy Fallon show because it’s free (as it turns out, you get what you pay for) and was furious to see the Roots there.

I had never seen the show before because Jimmy Fallon has no talent, so why would anyone watch him? As it turns out, he doesn’t know how to speak, refrain from laughing at the jokes provided for him, or read said jokes from a monitor properly. It’s physically painful to watch.

I was astounded and revolted to see my beloved Roots playing the role of Paul Schneider and the network orchestra to a never-going-to-be-even-a-thought-in-this-huge-scandal-of-late-night-drama late night host.

Why would you sell out an awesome band to a man who came from the same robotic mold as Carson Daly? You can’t need the money. They can’t need the money. Don’t even use the excuse of money.

Please think about what you’ve done and do whatever you have can to keep that talented group of musicians away from that no-talent assclown.

By the way, I’ve come up with a line-up (when you’re ready) for a spin-off group I call the Jew Tang Clan. It’ll be Mitzvah, Tzedakah, Ghostface Shiva, Ruggalah, Mistah Koshah, Israeli Desert, Matzah Man, One-God and Old Dowdy Banker. Call me on that. We’ll make it happen.

Rachel L. Arbeit


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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. can’t wait for it! tzedakah man it is!

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