Dear Diesel

Dear Diesel,

I'll Critique the Crap that Diesel Creates

I am writing to complain about your stupid new ad campaign that is all over the New York City subway system like mono on a college campus. The advertisements remind consumers that smart people plan their budget, while stupid people overpay for Italian jeans.

Smart Plans Advertising That Isn't Stupid

Although it’s nice that your underachieving intern’s drunken submission as worst possible marketing plan ever got passed, your company should reconsider its spending decisions if you want to survive this re/depression.

As a New Yorker, I appreciate anyone spending money on the MTA. They need the cash to blow on their overpaid employees and inefficient systems. But it is annoying, as Diesel’s ads add to the frustration of riding the subway.

The Diesel brand has made an entire promotional effort in calling their shoppers stupid. Awesome. It’s a wonder why marketing is considered bullshit.

In the past, your company has been praised for having an “innovative approach to marketing,” by being the first clothing company to market their products in video games. Perhaps that market did not work as it is likely that gamers would rather spend money on more video games than “premium denim products,” especially when video games are generally played in pajamas. That effort was part of the plan to target young adults, which, perhaps, is why Diesel enthusiasts are encouraged to “join the cult.” I hope it’s the cult where everyone drinks the Kool Aid and removes themselves from the society they shouldn’t belong in.

The new ads are anything but innovative because moronic (particularly in advertising,) has always existed.

Actually, you can. You can outsmart anything stupid. DUH!

This campaign may be the worst idea you’ve had since your criticized 2007 global warming themed advertisements, which prompted the following statement: “Over the years, Diesel’s ad campaigns have touched on several global issues in a signature over-the-top, irreverent, often surreal way. 2007 opens with a campaign that highlights the risks awaiting our planet due to global warming. We are only a fashion

Profound, really. Except the opposite.

company and do not think that – with just one campaign – we can save the world, but if our unconventional tone of voice and the reputation of our brand can grab and hold people’s attention a little longer than a news feature can, make them think twice about the consequence of all our actions and realize our individual responsibility, then something at least will have been accomplished.”

For this travesty, I’d like to propose you release the following statement: “Over the years, Diesel’s ad campaigns have sucked a lot in signature obnoxiously retarded ways. 2010 opens with a campaign that highlights the risks of purchasing our products. We are only a fashion company and do not think that – with another lame campaign – we can save anyone money, but if our meaningless tone of voice and the reputation of our pompous brand can grab and hold people’s aggravation a little longer than Marie from the Bronx can, make them think twice about the consequence of spending too much on denim products and realize that individuals should consider budget responsibility, then at least we will go out of business and something will have been accomplished.”

If you’re not familiar with Marie from the Bronx, she’s a tool in for New York’s Department of Health campaign to quit smoking.

The Damage is Done: No More Marie

The Marie campaign is stupid, as needed 20+ amputations is an extremely unlikely result of smoking. Doctors tried to scare Marie into quitting smoking by showing her images of people with her disease whose arms and legs were “black as coal” from gangrene. None of it worked. But somehow, NYC 311 thought that images of Marie could help others. That logic is as stupid as your stupidity.

The project, however, was not a dumb move for Marie, who clearly has a lot of hospital bills to pay. Nevertheless, Marie from the Bronx was the most universally disliked subway overlay until now. You’ve taken the title. Congrats! You’re so stupid, you think stupid isn’t stupid.

Sincerely,
Rachel L. Arbeit

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