Dear McDonalds

Dear McDonalds,

Arches Are Only Golden for the Top Level Executives... they're made of cheap floppy fries for the rest

Arches Are Only Golden for the Top Level Executives… they’re made of cheap floppy fries for the rest

Please consider being proactive and raising wages for low-level employees before you are forced to do so. It’ll be good PR and it won’t ruin your business.

Even if your CEO can’t stand to pay himself less than $9 million a year, this can work. (more…)

Published in: on July 22, 2015 at 9:11 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Dear E!

Dear E! Entertainment Television,

Pop of a culture that is great to hate.

Pop of a culture that is great to hate.

I am writing to propose a new show for your cable channel called “Haters” (or “H8ers” if you really want to assist in the destruction of the English language.

(more…)

Dear Congresswoman Nita Lowey

To Nita Lowey,

Please do your job of representing people, not big chicken corporations and help America’s farmers be able to make 1/10,000th of the living their corporate overlords make.

(more…)

Published in: on May 18, 2015 at 3:40 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , ,

Dear Perdue

To Whom It May Concern:

Big Box Chicken Dicks

Big Box Chicken Dicks

After learning of your company’s treatment of farmers on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, I’d like to inform you that Perdue products will no longer be served in our household until your company compensates its farmers with a living wage (which is above minimum wage – as that’s not a living wage – and above any and all poverty lines).

(more…)

Published in: on May 18, 2015 at 3:29 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Dear Animal Planet

To Whom It May Concern:

Extreme Dog Makeover!

Extreme Dog Makeover!

I just went on an awesome vacation to Peru. There are a lot of stray dogs there, and it made me have an idea I think you should consider…

(more…)

Published in: on July 22, 2014 at 9:21 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Dear New York Assemblymen Gottfried,

Dear New York Assemblymen Gottfried,

Recycling is Good!

Recycling is Good!

I am writing to request that the New York State Bottle Deposit be raised to 10 or 15 cents.

(more…)

Dear FCC

Dear FCC,

FCC: F***ing Consumers Constantly

FCC: F***ing Consumers Constantly

I’m writing to try to encourage you not to end net neutrality. Unfortunately, because I’m not a lobbyist and have no money to line your pockets with, my request will likely be ignored.

(more…)

Published in: on June 5, 2014 at 8:58 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , ,

Dear United Airlines

To Whom It May Concern:

I hate you so much right now.Waiting at the Gate at SFO for hrs

(more…)

Dear Co-workers

To Whichever Co-workers need the refresher course,

I’ve covered this topic before… about how soda can explode when you change their temperature dramatically, about how you will forget that you put your soda in the freezer (or in today’s case, moved it from the freezer to the fridge)… this morning’s lengthy cleanup made me feel I should send another reminder.

The Science of Soda: A Course I May Have to Teach in the Kitchen of My Office

The Science of Soda: A Course I May Have to Teach in the Kitchen of My Office

(more…)

Dear Donald Trump

To What Hair It May Concern:

Please click here for my feedback on your recent comments regarding Donald Sterling and his horribly disloyal girlfriend from hell.

Trumpster Diving

Trumpster Diving

(more…)

Published in: on April 29, 2014 at 3:05 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.